How many times and how many people have reminded you to "take care of yourself" while doing all the caregiving for a parent, grandparent, or spouse? Do you need reminding? Probably not. And if you are like me, the reminder, while meant to be kind and supportive, isn't. Caregivers know we have to manage "self-care". When do we have time? When did making time for shower become the low bar in self-care?
It's time we started talking about community care. The self-care industry is a $450 billion-dollar industry. Self-care, my friends, is about making money but to a certain extent, a way for well-meaning family and friends to show support in the easiest way possible for them while adding an increasing burden of not only caring for another but also ourselves.
Bath salts, chocolate, and nice coffees or teas are not evil. But in the world of caregivers, they aren't the support we need. We need our communities to step up and give us a break. They need to understand how dismissive and depressing that self-care reminder is. We know. Believe me, we know. We just can't. Not without help.
The next time someone reminds you to "take care of yourself," ask them how they can help make that happen. Can they make a few meals so you don't have to cook? How about when they go to the store, they pick up your shopping as well. Ask them to do a load or two of laundry. Tell them that changing the sheets would be a huge help. Can they sit with your caree for a few hours so you can go to a movie or a hike or just to be able to find yourself for a little while.
It is hard to ask for help. It is also hard to receive help if and when it is so rarely offered. Take the help. However, where to begin? We are always so overwhelmed that we don't even know where to start. We have created a list that you can hand to people. Ask them to choose something from the list to do. Having someone do the dishes is worth far more than all the chocolate in the world.
We need our community to step up. Our family, our friends, church members, volunteers. We need them. We need community care to help us keep our health and our sanity. Community care. Without community care, we are at risk of our loved ones outliving us. What then?
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